Re: Три в одном, будни. Радости!!!
Сегодня у объявления появилось продолжение.
Well, folks, shockingly, the used purple pony halter is still around, and so is the 4 legged double quarterpounder with cheese that’s wearing it. Now, he’s wearing a purple lead rope(that was recently new) that I had tied him up with so I could have some quiet time to bang my head on the side of my car in my nice big, formerly quiet, formerly private, formerly peaceful hayfield. Nope, the little beach ball with legs untied himself(in record time I might add), and searched high and low until he found me hiding in my car, breathing deeply into a paper sack. He lovingly sniffed my head(I almost thought it was Jesus laying a hand on my head and saying “It will be all right my child, this pony will find a new loving home, far, far, far away.”)
Course not, it was “Juicy”. Although this time he didn’t sample my hair, thereby saving me from having to run again to my wonderful stylist and beg her to redo my highlights(just in the front, I swear!)
I almost cannot believe that people weren’t lining up at my farm gates begging to take him home.
The ad response was overwhelming though, dozens and dozens of emails and calls and inquiries, most super nice(THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!!), one mean person(YOU SUCK), and one confused person. Oh well, we can’t win them all can we
So, I’ve decided to sweeten the deal:
I’ll let the used pony halter go, and throw in “Juicy”, AND a used pink pony halter. Oh, and of course, the nearly new, slightly muddy purple cotton lead rope. (What a perfect dream pony package you say You are sooooo right!)
K fine, I’ll add in my 5 yr old son’s 80 lb 5 month old puppy, The Sassy Lollipop(Yes, that’s really her name and she is famous on Facebook). The Sassy Lollipop is a great dog. She makes a wonderful speed bump for times when you are moving too fast to smell the roses. She will eat every bit of paper product she can get her hands, excuse me, dog mitts, on. The Sassy Lollipop is an awesome alarm clock. She will jump on your head and chest at approximately 6:15 every single $%^ morning. You will wake up just as the last bit of oxygen is being forced from your lungs by the 80 lbs of slobber and dead weight lying gently on your chest.
Now, if the used pink pony halter and the enormous paper shredder with legs, The Sassy Lollipop aka Dogasaurus, doesn’t do it, how about my recent ex husband? He’s super useful, good looking, great guy. He just hates horses. Ooops, yeah, guess he and Juicy better not go to the same home. Not enough room in the doghouse for both, and I know this from experience.
Come on people, Juicy is awesome. Seriously, he is truly a dream pony( just in someone else’s dream)
Juicy has several personas, and quite possibly has multiple personality disorder. In the morning mist, he looks like a pig in the hay field, rooting around. Come to think of it, he sounds like a pig at the trough. Or was that the ex husband? Sorry, I get them confused. I’m really kidding, my ex husband is actually a great, very tolerant guy. He doesn’t deserve me talking about him.
Juicy also likes to play dead. I’ve crept up on him several times, hoping and praying that he is actually dead(kidding again). Then, when I’m hovering over him checking for a pulse, he will jump up, snort victoriously, and run away. And he has great aim, because every time he kicks up as he is running, a dirt clod or turd manages to hit me, usually in the head.
He thinks he is a thoroughbred, because when the thoroughbreds are reliving the glory days, running in their huge pasture(usually from me), he has to run in from wherever he is on the property, and throw himself in the mix. He darn near gets trampled every time but I must say, that tubby little guy is a real trooper. He runs his little heart out. And he gets the last laugh because they all turn at the fence while he jumps the gate and keeps going.
He has appointed himself the guard dog, with private part sniffing duties and all. Every new person and horse must be inspected and threatened, and he punctuates his toughness with his virulent farts. Sorry, I forgot to mention his flatulence issues. Well, the cat’s out of the bag now. Anyway, I cannot count the number of times a new person at the barn has asked”Did your pony just fart on me?” Sometimes I blush and apologize on Juicy’s behalf. Hey, we all get a little crazy with the chili, and cauliflower, or whatever causes that pony’s gastric issues. Sometimes, I plead ignorance and pretend that I can’t smell it and don’t know what the guest is talking about. And once, I said, “So what, I farted, what’s the big deal?’ Man, the look that person gave me. Pitying, like I was really in need of some serious psychological help. (It was hilarious!)
So, I need to mention that I’m also willing to take trades for the used purple halter(dream pony included).
I will take:
little boys size 12.5 cowboy boots,
a Louie Vuitton purse,
a bad case of poison ivy,
BMW Z3 convertible, silver preferably, but definitely not red(that’s a terrible color on me),
a blind horse(got one and they are super easy to catch),
a deaf horse(got one of those also and they are easy to sneak up on and catch),
a 4 horse straight load with side and rear ramps, must be 8 ft. tall and 8 ft. wide,
a golf cart to take me to the mailbox(Juicy tossed me off with the neighbors watching the other day on the way to the mailbox, a golf cart would be much easier),
a stick in the eye,
a kick in the rear,
$599,
and I’ll update it if I can think of anything else I’d accept.
And hey, if the little booger buggs me too much tomorrow morning before my horseshow(last time he hid in the trailer tack room and tried to sneak along), I just might pay someone $600 to take him.
Let me know, folks, if anyone wants this totally awesome pony!!!
Remember, he is someone’s dream pony(probably the person rocking themself to sleep in a padded room).
Call 1-900-Mix-A-Lot. If that doesn’t work, 734-218-0654 will probably do the trick.
I’ve got my fingers crossed!!!!!
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